Gunman attack press conference

Mainburg , Bavaria October 6
By David Curtis

A press conference, organised by the innovative Bavarian professional shoe manufacturer Haix, was interrupted by a group of armed terrorists. The firms CEO Ewald Haimerl (pictured right) was addressing a group of journalists when four heavily armed men entered the room and fired warning shots into the air.
The gunmen then proceeded to attack Haimerl, as it was clearly their intention to kidnap the man responsible for the production of over six million shoes since he developed his first fire fighter boot in 1992.
Haimerl fought bravely but within a few seconds the gunmen were able to overpower him and drag him from the conference room.

After a few moments of complete silence the reality of the events dawned on the assembled members of the press. There was a certain amount of hysteria – some of the women in the room also started to react. Apart from an occasional attack of self inflicted mild indigestion journalists in this field are unaccustomed to being placed in harm’s way.
Within minutes the paramilitary wearing helmets, face masks and Haix boots, were on the scene and forcefully marched the journalists out of the conference room, some of whom were suffering badly from the excesses of the previous evening because they had been forced to test large amounts of the local brew.
A ferocious gun battle then took place outside the Haix factory as the gunmen tried to get the still struggling action orientated CEO into a waiting French saloon.
More paramilitary abseiled down the side of the building firing automatic weapons, a terrorist was shot from one of the balconies and plummeted down onto a large pyramid of empty Haix shoe boxes.
To cut off any chance of a getaway one of the security men lobbed a grenade into the kidnappers waiting Renault, which exploded with devastating force sending a massive fireball into the clear blue Bavarian sky.
After the roar of the explosion sirens could be heard as the local fire brigade arrived to tackle the now blazing French car. As well as being a certified master shoemaker, Ewald Haimerl is the deputy fire chief of Mainburg’s fire service – the firefighters arrived wearing FIRE HERO – the safest fire fighting boots ever developed and ruthlessly tested by Haix.
Within seconds the flames were doused and a strange calm descended over the factory and the journalists began to regain their composure.
Ewald Haimerl then explained that apart from producing boots for the military and the emergency services, he also supplies the same quality and protection to the arboricultural and landworking industries – you can read the complete story in The Arborist section of the next issue of The Landscaper (minus the hoax gun battle).

Scroll to Top